the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
