i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
wow bdsm is so cute
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
