hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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