how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Success! We fucked roommates!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
