when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
