At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize