mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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