My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
