508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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