i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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