I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
