her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
