we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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