eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
