It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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