too bad you live with your parents still
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
