he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
