hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
