So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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