the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
