do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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