You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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