It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
