I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They have beer where we have blood.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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