so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its not stalking. its research.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
