Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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