Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
