Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
