I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
