great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
