if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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