Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
