so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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