Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize