My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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