found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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