i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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