For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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