if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
