dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
