Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
be right there i have to get my cape
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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