yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
