I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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