How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
