i think my tv is drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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