I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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