Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
