Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize