she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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