She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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