Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
