her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
