I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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