I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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