At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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