You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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