There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize