Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
