All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love having hate sex.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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