my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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