It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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