There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
