I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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