Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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