he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
