god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
