There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
