I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
